NORTH RIDGEVILLE, Ohio — North Ridgeville police want to make sure you have a safe Independence Day and hope your “cousin Bobby” doesn’t ruin it.
In a post on Facebook, the police department spelled out the rules for Tuesday’s Star Spangled Celebration.
While the post included important information about road closings and fireworks times, it also included hilarious anecdotes about “cousin” Bobby.
“Please do not bring anything more than sparklers to the park,” the post read. “We don’t need your cousin Bobby blowing off 12 inch mortars in the middle of hundreds of people at the park after drinking a case of PBR. No good comes from that and using fireworks in the city is illegal anyway.”
North Ridgeville police also urged people not to call 911 to find out when “dark” is.
“Each year, we get dozens of calls asking when dusk is,” Rule #4 read. “Our dispatchers are busy. Especially this time of year, answering calls from concerned residents because their neighbor’s cousin Bobby has been drinking all day and is currently blowing off 12 inch mortars from an empty PBR box. PLEASE don’t call them asking when dark is.”
As far as we know, “cousin Bobby” did not cause any problems at last night’s celebration. Now, let’s hope he behaves for everyone else tonight.